THERE IS REALLY NOTHING MORE TO SAY - EXCEPT WHY. BUT SINCE WHY IS DIFFICULT TO HANDLE, ONE MUST TAKE REFUGE IN HOW

What I've read and re-read this year:

BOOKS IN ENGLISH
Margaret Atwood - The edible woman
Margaret Atwood - The tent
Margaret Atwood - Good bones
Margaret Atwood - The robber bride
Margaret Atwood - The handmaid's tale
Margaret Atwood - The year of the flood
Margaret Atwood - Lady oracle
Margaret Atwood - The Penelopiad
Margaret Atwood - Bodily harm
Joyce Carol Oates - Blonde
Joyce Carol Oates - My sister my love
Joyce Carol Oates - The falls
Joyce Carol Oates - Rape a love story
Scarlett Thomas - The end of Mr. Y
Scarlett Thomas - PopCo
Doris Lessing - The fifth child
Margaret Drabble - The millstone
Margaret Drabble - The waterfall
Curtis Sittenfeld - Prep
Curtis Sittenfeld - The man of my dreams
Curtis Sittenfeld - American wife
Lorrie Moore - A gate at the stairs
Short stories by Lorrie Moore from The collected stories
Iris Murdoch - The bell
Short stories by Katherine Mansfield
Marisha Pessl - Special topics in calamity physics
Jeanette Winterson - Oranges are not the only fruit
Brunonia Barry - The lace reader
Zoë Heller - Notes on a scandal
Aoibheann Sweeney - Among other things, I've taken up smoking
Alex Garland - The beach
Alex Garland - The tesseract
Alex Garland - The coma
Charles Webb - The graduate
J.D. Salinger - The catcher in the rye
J.D. Salinger - Franny and Zooey
Sadie Jones - The outcast
Donna Tartt - The secret history
Laurence Rees - Auschwitz
Kazuo Ishiguro - Never let me go
Mohsin Hamid - The reluctant terrorist
Steven Hall - The raw shark texts

BOOKS IN SWEDISH
Ann Heberlein - Jag vill inte dö, jag vill bara inte leva
Linda Skugge - Det här är inte en bok
Linda Skugge - Saker under huden

IT'S MUCH BETTER BETTER TO FACE THESE KINDS OF THINGS WITH A SENSE OF POISE AND RATIONALITY

Long time no see. Read Jag vill inte dö, jag vill bara inte leva by Ann Heberlein which is the first book I've read in Swedish this year. Read The raw shark texts by Steven Hall, which was great and very different from anything else (though the writing reminded of Alex Garland which can only be a good thing). And, after having taken a break from it, I'm now back to reading The year of the flood.

Stopped reading Alias Grace, went for The year of the flood by Atwood instead.

SANITY IS A VALUABLE POSSESSION; I HOARD IT THE WAY PEOPLE ONCE HOARDED MONEY

"A man is just a woman's strategy for making other women."

"It's impossible to say a thing exatcly the way it was, because what you say can never be exact, you always have to leave something out, there are too many parts, sides, crosscurrents, nuances; too many gestures, which could mean this or that, too many shapes which can never be fully described, too many flavours in the air or on the tongue, half-colours, too many. But if you happen to be a man, sometime in the future, and you've made it this far, please remember: you must forgive, a man, as a woman. It's difficult to resist, believe me. To beg for it is a power, and to withhold or bestow it is a power, perhaps the greatest.
Maybe none of this is about control. Maybe it isn't really wbout who can own whom, who can do what to whom and get away with it, even as far as death. Maybe it isn't about who can sit and who has to kneel or stand or lie down, legs spread open. Maybe it's about who can do what to whom and be forgiven for it. Never tell me it amounts to the same thing."

"What I need is perspective. The illusion of depth, created by a frame, the arrangment of shapes on a flat surface. Perspective is necessary. Otherwise there are only two dimensions. Otherwise you live with your face squashed against a wall, everything a huge foreground, of details, close-ups, hairs, the weave of the bedsheet, the molecules of the face. Your own skin like a map, a diagram of futility, crisscrossed with tiny roads that lead nowhere. Otherwise you live in the moment. Which is not where I want to be."

"A rat in a maze is free to go anywhere, as long as it stays inside the maze."

"By telling you anything at all at least I'm believing in you, I believe you're there, I believe you into being. Because I'm telling you this story I will your existence. I tell, therefore you are (...) After all you've been through, you deserve whatever I have left, which is not much but includes the truth."
- The handmaid's tale, Margaret Atwood

Finished reading Never let me go Monday, read Margaret Atwood's The handmaid's tale after that and read The reluctant fundamentalist by Mohsin Hamid yesterday. Currently reading Alias Grace by Atwood.

WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY ABOUT SOME PEOPLE

Since megavideo is all "You've watched 72 minutes, please wait 54 minutes or sign up" so I can't watch The City for an hour, I've decided to finally post a list of some of the books I've bought since moving to London (won't mention the ones from the post back in August);

Margaret Atwood - The tent

Margaret Atwood - Surfacing

Joyce Carol Oates - Rape a love story

Doris Lessing - The diaries of Jane Somers

Marilyn French - The women's room

Sylvia Plath - Ariel

Richard Yates - The easter parade

Richard Yates - Young hearts crying

Iain Banks - The wasp factory

Hannah Arendt - Eichmann in Jerusalem (a report on the banality of evil)

Michael Chabon - Wonder boys

Michael Ende - The neverending story

A.S. Byatt - The Oxford book of English short stories

Sebastian Faulks - Charlotte Gray

Laurence Rees - Auschwitz

Laurence Rees - The Nazis

George Orwell - Why I write

Kazuo Ishiguro - Never let me go

Bought some of these for school, but will keep them regardless (for background: dropped out of uni. Cue Grease song, "no graduation day for you!") Anyway, I will incorporate those books into my own collection. Books that did not make the cut: Pride and prejudice and Trainspotting. God, I hate those books. Anyway, for some reason I haven't been reading as much as I normally do since moving here. Makes me feel lost. Have read Bodily harm by Margaret Atwood, The tent by the same author, Rape a love story and The falls by Oates, Auschwitz by Laurence Rees and a lot of the short stories from the Lorrie Moore book. Reading Ishiguro's Never let me go now; it's good but so different from what I usually go for. Feel like I wanna read some Joan Didion but, to my great shock and surprise, can't find any of her books at Waterstones. Sad.

"Whose life am I living? Whose life am I failing to live?
- The tent, Margaret Atwood

NEITHER OF THE GRIMES SISTERS WOULD HAVE A HAPPY LIFE, AND LOOKING BACK IT ALWAYS SEEMED THAT THE TROUBLE BEGAN WITH THEIR PARENTS' DIVORCE

Currently reading The easter parade by Richard Yates. Sorry about the lack of updates, will write more about what books I've read/bought on Wednesday.

Finished reading Bodily harm a couple days ago, reading The falls by Joyce Carol Oates now. Bodily harm was amazing. Atwood is just so fucking great.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THIS AND HOME ISN'T SO MUCH THAT SHE KNOWS NOBODY AS THAT NOBODY KNOWS HER. IN A WAY SHE'S INVISIBLE. IN A WAY SHE'S SAFE.

Long time no see book blog, but I moved to London about two weeks ago and have been busy, and by busy I mean I've mostly been buying books. So, list of books bought:

John Fowles - The magus
Georges Perec - Life a user's manual
Margaret Atwood - Bodily harm
Margaret Atwood - The handmaid's tale
Margaret Atwood - Alias Grace
Margaret Atwood - The year of the flood
Iris Murdoch - A word child
Truman Capote - In cold blood
Françoise Sagan - Bonjour tristesse & A certain smile
Moshin Hamid - The reluctant fundamentalist
Joyce Carol Oates - We were the Mulvaneys
Joyce Carol Oates - The falls (bought this one in Örebro, but haven't mentioned it on this blog before so might as well do it now.)
Joyce Carol Oates - The female of the species
Helen Fielding - Bridget Jones's diary
Helen Fielding - Bridget Jones: The edge of reason
Lorrie Moore - The collected stories

Currently reading Atwood's Bodily harm.

SKYLER HELP ME SKYLER I AM SO LONELY IN THIS PLACE SKYLER I AM SO AFRAID

I'm currently reading My sister, my love by Joyce Carol Oates. Here's what The New York Times said about it; I don't really agree at all but because I'm in such a bad fucking mood right now, I have no energy to go into why I disaagree with Sarah Churchwell.

YOU DON'T NEED TO BREATHE, THAT'S SO MENTAL

Seriously, so funny!

YOU'LL BE BURIED IN THE CLOTHES THAT YOU NEVER WORE

"So I’ve always had this illusion, right? A fantasy that I've found myself caught up in. I had this very naïve preoccupation with the idea of the struggling, fucked up artist. In a way, I guess I felt like in order to be creative you had to live on the edge of madness and self-destruction. My heroes may have been great artists, but they were almost all tormented people. Charles Bukowski died an alcoholic. William Burroughs shot heroin for more than fifty years. Donald Goines was shot to death in a drug deal gone wrong. Yukio Mishima had himself ritually beheaded in the center of Tokyo."
- Nic Sheff, author of Tweak: growing up on methamphetamines, on his blog, nicsheff.blogspot.com

I read Sheff's book about a year ago, and I have to say it's nice to see that he's realised that that idea is, truth to be told, really fucking lame. It's such a boy thing, isn't it? Living like Bukowski, moving to some big city, taking drugs and just being so interesting and self-destructive and well...just so awesome, really. All the time. And of course, forgetting the writing part of it all or writing things that have been written a million times before by the guys they're trying to emulate. It's just so pretentious. Anyway, having said that, I appreciate that that was (obviously) not the only reason as to why Sheff started taking drugs and eventually got addicted to crystal meth. I'm just saying, for someone like me, what with all the depressions, the OCD and the in and out of therapy all the time, it just seems pretty fucking self-indulgent/stupid/lame to actively try to add some more drama to your life.

Read Among other things, I've taken up smoking, then Salinger's Franny and Zooey (loved it, cannot believe I didn't read it earlier) and now I'm reading The graduate by Charles Webb. It's really good.

I TOOK MY HAND OUT OF MY POCKET, UP CAME A FIST, ONE MORE ABUSE

So, after I finished The beach, I re-read The Coma and The tesseract, also by Alex Garland. They are (obviously) awesome. Highly recommend them. Today, my books from adlibris finally arrived; Elizabeth Kostova's The swan thieves and Among other things, I've taken up smoking (one of the best titles ever) by Aoibheann Sweeney.

FRAGGING. BAGGING. KLICKS. GRUNTS. GOOKS. CHARLIE. MIA. KIA. LZ. DMZ. FNG. FUCKING NEW GUY

Read The catcher in the rye by J.D. Salinger and I really liked it. I read it the first time when I was 14, but it just didn't register. I remember a couple years back though, a friend of mine told me that she thought I resembled Holden Caulfield. "I just imagine that you go on about things the same way he does", she said. And I was like "What, do I seem that close to a having a nervous breakdown?" Haha. I don't know though. Perhaps when I was younger I was a bit like him, but not now.

Anyway, I'm re-reading Alex Garland's The beach. Look, I know I go on and on about that book in this blog, but I just can't get over it. I'm so bad at describing why I like books (so glad I'm gonna be studying English literature for 3 years), but I'll try. It's the way it's written, that somewhat staccato-ish flow, the use of war terms, the way you just recognize yourself in Richard, the way Garland depicts his slow descent into madness, and the way he describes how easily your ideas of what is right and what is wrong can change. And the dreams/visions Richard has of meeting Daffy. Oh, I don't know. I really am horrible at describing books, and I just can't do The beach justice; I can't praise it enough. I know a lot of people have seen the movie and thought it sucked (which I didn't but it wasn't very good either) but they changed things around too much (I mean, Richard's American in the movie for Chrissake. I think Leonardo Dicaprio is an amazing actor, but you just don't change things like that. Richard is so typically English. It's like High Fidelity; what the fuck were they thinking?). So do me a favour, just skip the movie and READ THE BOOK WHATEVER YOU DO. I mean, it's just so fucking good.

HOW DO YOU STOP YOURSELF DOING A BAD THING IF IT ONLY HURTS YOU?

Started reading The outcast by Sadie Jones yesterday, finished it today. So now I find myself, yet again, in that "What the fuck am I supposed to read?"-state. Hate it.

WHERE DO YOU GO NEXT WHEN YOUR FIRST NOVEL TURNS OUT TO BE THE FASTEST-SELLING DEBUT IN AMERICAN LITERARY HISTORY?

I just learned that Elizabeth Kostova (author of The historian) has pusblished another book, The swan thieves. I read The historian last summer and while I didn't think it was especially well-written (though it seems like many of the critics thought it was), I did like the story. It's not one of those books that I'm likely to forget, though that may have more to do with the fact that it was so completely unlike the books I normally go for than it being really good. Anyway, I'm excited about this new one, but a bit disheartened after having read the reviews, which are extremely mixed. Here's what Kostova herself says about The swan thieves and if you scroll down, you can read what The Observer thinks about it:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2010/jan/24/swan-thieves-kostova-review-okelly

JUST FOR THE RECORD, I DO NOT CONSIDER MYSELF AN EVIL PERSON (THOUGH HOW LIKE A KILLER THAT MAKES ME SOUND!)

"One likes to think there's something in it, that old platitude amor vincit omnia. But if I've learned one thing in my short sad life, it is that that particular platitude is a lie. Love doesn't conquer everything. And whoever thinks it does is a fool."
- The secret history, Donna Tartt

"YOU HAVE SOMETHING ON YOUR MIND," HE QUIETLY OBSERVED. THE KID WAS CARL JUNG, FUCKING FREUD

Re-reading Special topics in calamity physics by Marisha Pessl for about the hundreth time. This is the state my copy's in nowadays:

EVERYONE THINK THAT GIRL'S A LADY BUT I DON'T, I THINK THAT GIRL'S SHADY

Mary-Louise Parker as Zenia in the TV movie version of Margaret Atwood's The robber bride.

INSTEAD SHE THOUGHT ABOUT WARS

"Tony felt safe this morning, safe enough. But she doesn't feel safe now. Everything has been called into question. Even in the best of times the world is tenuous to her, a thin iridescent skin held in place by surface tension. She puts a lot of effort into keeping it together, her willed illusion of comfort and stability, the words flowing from left to right, the routines of love; but underneath is darkness. Menace, chaos, cities aflame, towers crashing down, the anarchy of deep water."

- The robber bride, Margaret Atwood

Finished reading The fifth child two days ago, reading Margaret Atwood's The robber bride now.

A WOMAN MADE OF CAKE!

I was in London this week, bought these books:
Margaret Atwood - The edible woman
Margaret Atwood - The robber bride
Margaret Atwood - Moral disorder
Margaret Drabble - The sea lady
Margaret Drabble - Jerusalem the Golden
Doris Lessing - The fifth child
Lionel Shriver - A perfectly good family
Sue Miller - The senator's wife
Sarah Walters - The little stranger

Read The edible woman while in London, reading The fifth child now. Left The last life at my friend Palle's house.

IT IS NOT THE ONE THING NOR THE OTHER THAT LEADS TO MADNESS, BUT THE SPACE IN BETWEEN THEM

Read Oranges are not the only fruit by Jeanette Winterson, reading The last life by Claire Messud now.

OH GODS AND OH PROPHETS, PLEASE ALTER MY LIFE

I finished reading The lace reader last Thursday; I actually really liked it, it was very entertaining, a page-turner, albeit not being a book that I'm likely to think much about. Isn't this like a fairytale though (got it off Brunonia Barry's Wikipedia page):

"Originally self-published by the author[1] it (...) got rave reviews in many places including Publisher's Weekly, and was eventually picked up by the US branch of HarperCollins in a multi-million dollar deal[3]."

Anyway, from Friday-Sunday I read Notes on a scandal by Zoë Heller and from Sunday to today I read Margaret Atwood's The Penelopiad, which is The Odyssey from Penelope's perspective (and the twelve maids who were hanged by Odysseus and Telemachus also have their say). It was, of course, amazing. Now I'm trying to decide on a new book. Sorry about not updating this blog in a while, I've been working a lot and went to Stockholm this weekend.

So I gave up on Dermaphoria; just can't seem to read books written from a man's perspective anymore (with the exception of Alex Garland's books, of course). Reading The lace reader by Brunonia Barry now. Not what I would normally go for, but it seems OK so far.

SHE BELONGED TO NOBODY BUT LIFE

"Oh, how terrifying Life was, thought Monica. How dreadful. It is the loneliness which is so appalling. We whirl along like leaves, and nobody knows - nobody cares where we fall, in what black river we float away."
- Revelations, Katherine Mansfield

Read these short stories by Mansfield while I was trying to pick a new book to read:
Je ne parle pas français
Bliss
Sun and Moon
The escape
The daughters of the late colonel
Feuille d'Album
Revelations
Psychology
Pictures
A dill pickle
The wind blows

Now I've decided to read Dermaphoria by Craig Clevenger; I wanted to read something The beach-esque without (yet again) resorting to read The beach 'cause I can't find something that is as good.

QUERY: WHY AM I SO BITTER AGAINST LIFE?

"When a thing's gone, it's gone. It's over and done with. Let it go, then! Ignore it, and comfort yourself, if you do want comforting, with the thought that you never do recover the same thing as you lose. It's always a new thing. The moment it leaves it's changed. Why, that's even true of a hat you chase after; and I don't mean superficially - I mean profoundly speaking...
I have made it a rule of my life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy, and no one who intends to be a writer can afford to indulge it. You can't get it into shape; you can't build on it; it's only good for wallowing in. Looking back, of course, is equally fatal to Art. It's keeping yourself poor. Art can't and won't stand poverty."
- Je ne parle pas français, Katherine Mansfield

Finished reading A gate at the stairs yesterday, and read Good bones by Margaret Atwood today. Might go for The piano teacher by Elfriede Jelinek now, but haven't decided. I really liked A gate at the stairs; I was a bit skeptical at first but then the protagonist, Tassie Keltjin , was like a mix between Lee Fiora (from Curtis Sittenfeld's Prep) and Blue van Meer (from Special topics in calamity physics by Marisha Pessl) while still having her own personality, so it was pretty great.

AS FOR LIVING, WE SHALL HAVE OUR SERVANTS DO THAT FOR US

"I would never take a man's name. I knew that, in the deepest part of me, even though I suspected that women who did take their husbands' names understood something about marriage that I didn't. Me? I would never even let a man drive."

"Like everyone, Robert would have loved to have attended his own funeral. Of course, one did always attend one's own funeral. But usually one was so deep in the role of the dead person that one didn't get to pay attention to the nice things people were standing up and saying about you."

- A gate at the stairs, Lorrie Moore

I'M NOT REALLY LIKE THIS, I'M PROBABLY PLIGHTLESS

"Perhaps they'd desired a lively take-charge type and I'd seemed dull, slow to get involved. It had started to worry me that if I wasn't careful my meekness could become a habit, a tic, something hardwired that my mannerisms would continue to express throughout my life regardless of my efforts - the way a drunk who, though on the wagon, still staggers and slurs like a drunk."
- A gate at the stairs, Lorrie Moore

IT'S ALL DISHONEST, ALL OF IT

"(...) My attitude has always been that you have to try to get through life, for as long as possible, without deliberately making things worse but, also, aware of the fact that you can't make anything better. In the end, there's probably no four-dimensional being watching us too see if we make the right choices. There is no judgement. You live your life and hope that you won't be involved in any wars and then what? It's all over and you become earth."

- PopCo, Scarlett Thomas

I'VE BEEN IN AND OUT OF HAPPINESS

PopCo is really good, but all the maths...There are so many codes and mathematical equations in it and I was always terrible at maths. See, a lot of people say that they're bad at maths but honestly, they've got nothing on me. I didn't even study the B course in Maths in school, which is mandatory but the teachers realised it was beyond me so I did a Psychology course instead. However, I do kinda like reading about it though. Know how to write a simple code now. Feels good that I understand something that has to do with numbers.

Haha, I found the first book in English I ever bought down in the basement today. It's called The story of Tracy Beaker and it's by Jacqueline Wilson. I think I bought it when I was around 9-10, in London. Never read it, but I was a bit obsessed with it anyway. Also remember I bought a NIKE sweater as well, which I can still wear. Weird. It's the same thing with this dress I wore when I was 9, it still fits perfectly. I mean, what the fuck? Has my body not changed at all in fucking 12 years? What's up with that? Anyway, I think that maybe I'll read the Jacqueline Wilson book. It might be fun.

Reading PopCo. It's awesome.

Finished reading The bell yesterday, trying to decide between PopCo by Scarlett Thomas and Lady Chatterley's lover by D.H. Lawrence right now.

I'm currently reading The bell by Iris Murdoch. The first two sentences could possibly be two of the best first sentences in the world:

"Dora Greenfield left her husband because she was afraid of him. She decided six months later to return to him for the same reason."

It's simple but good.

HELP HELP! HELP I FEEL LIFE COMING CLOSER

"I live for my work. I live for my work. I live only for my work. One day I will do work deserving of my talent & desire. One day. This I pledge. This I vow. I want you to love me for my work. But if you don't love me I can't continue my work. So please love me! - so I can continue my work. I am trapped here! I am trapped in this blond mannequin with the face. I can only breath through that face! Those nostrils! That mouth! Help me to be perfect. If God was in us, we would be perfect. God is not in us, we know this for we are not perfect. I don't want money & fame I want only to be perfect. The blond mannequin Monroe is me & is not me. She is not me. She is what I was born. Yes I want you to love her. So you will love me. Oh I want to love you! Where are you? I look, I look and there is no one there."

- Blonde, Joyce Carol Oates

PLEASE AGAIN DO WHATEVER YOU CAN DO TO PREVENT LARGE SCARS. THANKING YOU WITH ALL MY HEART.

"To love a man is not to know him but rather to not-know him. And to be loved by a man is to have succeded in creating the object of his love, which then must not be jeopardized."

- Blonde, Joyce Carol Oates

ALWAYS THERE IS A SCRIPT. BUT NOT ALWAYS KNOWN TO YOU.

Finished reading Lady Oracle two days ago, and decided to re-visit Joyce Carol Oates' Blonde. Stopped reading it back in December, but got back into it yesterday. It's so fucking amazing, what a fucking book! This is actually the first book I've read by Oates, unless you count her YA books back when I was 12-13, but Jesus Christ, it's good. My sister used to have an obsession with Marilyn Monroe and now I can see why. Can also see why all the critics loved it; it really does feel like you're in Marilyn Monroe's head.

PRESENCE OF MIND, FORESIGHT, THE TELLING OF WATERTIGHT LIES

"I planned my death carefully; unlike my life, which meandered along from one thing to another, despite my feeble attempts to control it. My life had a tendency to spread, to get flabby, to scroll and festoon like the frame of a baroque mirror, which came from following the line of least resistence. I wanted my death, by contrast, to be neat and simple (...) At first I thought I'd managed it."
- Lady oracle, Margaret Atwood

THEY SENTENCED ME TO TWENTY YEARS OF BOREDOM

So, I made another video and finally, I'm in it! Stina filmed it. It's a bit slow, but what can you do? Also, the light is awful. But again, what can ya do? Stina kept making faces to me while we were recording/filming this, in case you're wondering I keep laughing.

The song is In the sun by She & Him.

Mom bought me a book today, The book thief by Markus Zusak. Maybe that book will solve my crisis.

OK, so I finally joined Facebook; don't know why, maybe it was because of the excitement regarding getting in at Westminster University that I decided to just disregard all of my ideas about Facebook. But, turns out, that website does freak me out a bit. Did like Anders' comment on my Facebook-joining though; "They said this day would never come..." Haha.

I don't want to read Testimony. What's going on? I need to read something, anything. My self-obsession might drive me crazy otherwise.

By the way Tove, I'm so gonna drunk-mail you tonight because it's 90s! So I will get drunk and dance and then go home and still be drunk and e-mail you about ATC and Ace of Base. Deal?

THROWING OUT A BOOMERANG, WAITING FOR IT TO COME BACK TO ME

So, it looks like I will move to London in September and study at Westminster University. Three years in London sounds very good to me.

Other than that, I still can't decide what to read; not feeling Atonement. It's really annoying not having anything to read, because I just end up reading old issues of Q magazine and I've already read all of them a hundred times. Also, I always feel so disconnected from...oh, I don't know, myself probably, when I'm not reading anything real. Will really try to find something today.

UPDATE
OK, have decided to read Testimony by Anita Shreve, based on what I wrote about it back in January: "Bought two new books as well; Testimony by Anita Shreve, which seemed like one of those books that are good to read when you don't have anything to read..." Will read it, will not change my mind! Cross my heart and hope to die.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpHLEm9-0bg

(Copy that link and let the song soundtrack this post and you'll experience the same awesomeness that I'm currently experiencing)

God, I'm updating a lot but it's kinda nice. I'm reading Atonement, also nice. Other things: I'm listening to 90s music and honestly, is there anything better? If I had to choose between, say, Keane and The Knife or 90s music, I would easily choose the latter (I mean, obviously put this into a "if you had listen to the same music for you whole life, would you choose..." context). It's so fucking awesome and the lyrics are great, like: "Tarzan is handsome, Tarzan is strong, he's really cute and his hair is long." Like, totally! So true. Or Haddaway; "What is love? Baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more." Deep and profound, because what is love, when you think about it? Blümchen is obviously great too: Heut' ist mein tag, heut' is mein tag, heut' ist mein tag!" 'Cause you know, today totally is my day! I always listen to that song on my birthday. The best place to hear these songs, though, is on a dancefloor at some club with all your friends, extremely drunk. You know, like when you're so drunk that smoking a cigarette makes your head spin even more and it's awesome, because that is sorta what you intended to happen all along?

This long rant probably has to do with me missing alcohol (have not been drunk in 3 months; it's almost like I've become revirginized, alcohol-wise), but I'm going out on Friday. Oh right, and books: I've been thinking about which books to buy when I go to London (have decided that I can easily spend £100 on books only), and have so far decided that I will buy The little stranger by Sarah Walters, The sea lady by Margaret Drabble and Alias Grace by Margaret Atwood. I'm gonna be the flyest chick at Waterstone's.

UPDATE
Just started listening to Rhythm is a dancer by Snap!. It's so good.

IT'S LIKE THAT AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS

So, what did you think about my videoblog? No WAIT! Haha, no, sorry. Anyway, I think I might have forgotten to tell you lot (you two? Three? I have no idea who reads this oh, so interesting blog of mine), I got an A on the Certificate of Proficiency in English. You know why? Because ever since I can remember I been poppin' my collar!

Having said that, I'm feeling a bit like I'm having a literary crisis; I'm re-reading I am Charlotte Simmons but my heart's not it. Think I might go for Atonement byIan McEwan instead; I sorta cheated a bit and read the entire plot summary on Wikipedia but somehow, even though I know how it's gonna end now, I want to read it.

Also, a videoblog with me actually talking! actually showing my face! is coming up. Stina will film it.

OH, LOOKING FOR LOVE IN A LOOKING GLASS WORLD IS PRETTY HARD FOR YOU

I made another video. Basically, it's just me writing/copying out some sentences from The creativity of the mess we make. I wrote those sentences this summer, when I found myself in something I wouldn't necessarily call "heartbreak" but something that was similar to it; "heartbreak" indicates that you are sad and regret the way things turned out; I didn't. To be frank, I think I dodged a bullet there. Anyway, feel free to check it out.

The song is Mother of pearl by Roxy Music, which I thought was fitting. I love that song; the lyrics are plain poetry. I thought the beginning suited what I wrote down, because the song starts like this (well, actually, I sorta fast-forwarded to 1:25 but as far as I'm concerned, that's where the song really starts): "Well, I've been up all night again, party time wasting is too much fun. Then I step back thinking of life's inner meaning and my latest fling. It's the same old story, all love and glory, it's a pantomime."

I'm currently re-reading I am Charlotte Simmons by Tom Wolfe.

WHICH ONE OF YOU BITCHES WANTS TO DANCE?

So, what did you think about my videoblog? No, wait, I don't care, you can't comment! Haha, I'm so funny. Anyhoo, think that I will read Possession by A.S. Byatt; had a bit of a crisis after I finished re-reading American wife, but I think the time might be right for Byatt's Booker Prize winning novel now.

About two months ago, I watched every season of Black books. If you don't know what it is, then you can click here to get a summary (since I hate explaining stuff) and you can click here if you want to watch it. Unfortunately, youtube are all like "embedding disabled on request" on every single clip from Black books, but you can click on the youtubelink to watch one of my many favourites (I think it's from the episode where Bernard does anything to avoid doing his taxes):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qc8BDNxsJQs

UNDERACHIEVERS, PLEASE TRY HARDER

I made another video, though it's pretty different from the last one. In the video, I start off with showing the story I'm currently writing on, The creativity of the mess we make (sentences etc.), then I show some of my notes from my beloved notebook, then some lovely sentences from Margaret Drabble's The waterfall. My cat appears at the end, haha, she was sleeping on the table while I made the video and then got real interested in what I was doing. Also, it was filmed with my mobile phone, so obviously the quality is somewhat lacking.

Oh, and the song is the theme from the movie Up.

Bought new books:

Tom Wolfe - I am Charlotte Simmons (read it last summer, liked it, plus was in the mood for a "college novel".)
Lorrie Moore - A gate at the stairs (seemed good, "coming-of-age novel" and all that.)
Margaret Atwood - Lady oracle (You can't go wrong with Atwood.)

Right now though, I'm re-reading Curtis Sittenfeld's American wife. Spent two lovely days re-reading Prep, and then one lovely day re-reading The man of my dreams. Figured, why not just stay in Sittenfeld's world? I did try, however, to read something else by someone else after I had finished The man of my dreams but no one is as good as Sittenfeld, so it was just depressing.

Books I really, really want to buy:

SHE ISN'T WHAT SHE WROTE

This is a really interesting article about/interview with Curtis Sittenfeld about Prep; what I don't get is, why is it so bad to draw from your own experience when writing? Some people seem to think it's somewhat of a sin. When a woman writes a book, and some of turns out to be a bit like her own experience, people seem to think that that discredits the book in some way; also; whenever a woman writes a book, especially something like Prep which is so good, so exactly like it is, so dead-on, and so well-written, people always seem to want to discredit the book by saying that "Oh, she's probably just writing about herself", like the author in question wouldn't be able to come up with the story line just by using her own imagination. Basically: whenever a woman writes, there is always something wrong with it, or with her, she's unimaginative or she has too much imagination etc., etc. I'm so tired of the fact that, everywhere I turn, something is wrong with me, simply because I happen to be a woman.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

I'm not doing too good at the moment. Like, at all or whatsoever. So I'm re-reading Prep while waiting for better times.

HERE'S THE MINI-CHERRY ON TOP OF THE REGULAR CHERRY ON TOP OF THE SUNDAE OF AWESOMENESS THAT IS MY LIFE

I haven't quite decided on what to read yet; read almost 200 pages of the Doris Lessing book until I realised it wasn't the right time for it. Might go for PopCo by Scarlett Thomas instead.

Wanted to put this picture up because it always makes me smile and because I miss Clara so much! It was a great evening, we got extremely drunk and spent five hours talking only to each other (for some reason we spent all of those hours lying in a bath tub). Awesome night, awesome friend. Will hopefully go to Italy and visit her soon.

THE ENGLISH BOOKSHOP

OK, so have decided to take a break from The executioner's song. I hate to "give up" a book although I'm not really giving up on it because I do like it and will finish it some other time. So, anyhoo, bought new books today:

Doris Lessing - The golden notebook
Margaret Drabble - The millstone (Yes! Finally! I have it! I own it!)
Ben Okri - The famished road
Scarlett Thomas - PopCo
Jonathan Littell - The kindly ones

Anne showed me this lovely little book store in Gamla stan that only sells English books. Awesome! Was so happy to find my absolute favourite Drabble book. And I've been wanting to read The kindly ones forever.

OH MOTHER OF PEARL, SO SO SEMI PRECIOUS IN YOUR DETACHED WORLD

Hello book blog, I'm leaving for Stockholm today. It's going to be nice, I need a break from Örebro, and I haven't been to Stockholm for about eight months which must be some kind of record for me. I'm planning on buying some books, because they have this great book store with loads of books in English in the centre. I'm also going to try to meet up with Sami because I haven't seen him in about two years. Weird, really. Anyway, so I'm going away for a bit. What I will be reading? Still The executioner's song. What I will be listening to? Roxy Music - Mother of pearl. Bye book blog.

HEATHCLIFF, IT'S ME CATHY, COME HOME

There's a lot of songs out there which has to do with books, certain characters, titles etc. You get what I mean. Anyway, the best one is obviously Wuthering heights by Kate Bush. I cannot get over how great this song is. What's funny though, is that I hated the book. I've never been one for the epic love stories or love stories in general. But the song is just awesome and Kate Bush is just wonderful.

WHEN I GET SAD I STOP BEING SAD AND BE AWESOME INSTEAD. TRUE STORY.

Sooo, I'm still reading The executioner's song (well, obviously, it's 1056 pages long). It's such a great book; it definitely deserved winning the Pulitzer Prize back in 1980. On another note, I watched Drag me to hell yesterday and I am so grateful I didn't see it in London last year. I was supposed to go to it with this guy I sorta dated (feels bad that I always have to put "sorta"/"kinda" before "dated" but that's because I don't really date; I have brief, sordid love affairs that almost always ends with me thinking "Why did I ever?", haha) because that movie freaked me out! I even pressed fast-forward at some points. However, it got me thinking I should probably read more of Stephen King's books; Drag me to hell didn't have a happy ending, i.e. the pretty girl didn't make it, which is normally how King's books end as well. Just bad news all around. I kinda like that.

Other than that, I don't have much to tell you; I might move to London a lot sooner than I thought which would be nice, and I've had a couple of bad days when I've just been generally sad but then I thought of Barney Stinson's awesome line instead and became happy again. True story.

EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME 'CAUSE I'M SAILING ON A BOAT

Finished reading The end of Mr. Y a couple of days ago, reading Norman Mailer's The executioner's song now. I dreamed really funny dreams when I read The end of Mr. Y; in one of the dreams, me and a boy I sorta dated went to a place called "Disappearance and delivery." It was a place you went to if you wanted to disappear ("Disapperance", obviously) and a place you went to if you wanted to get the new name and adress of the person who wanted to disappear (which I guess "Delivery" stood for). I wanted to disappear because I wanted the boy to never have known me; he wanted to know where I would go. Weird dream. But it was very The end of Mr. Y which by the way, was lovely. I highly recommend it.

IN THE TIME OF CHIMPANZEES, I WAS A MONKEY

So, videoblog in the last post! Think I might videoblog again.

Anyway, I was just going through my old files on this computer and, apart from finding miserable and highy amusing diary-entries from when I was fifteen that almost always ended in "Life is so unfaaaair!" and "You just don't GET me at all!", I also found something I wrote when I was 18 which I decided to publish here because it is so extremely different from the way I write now. I mean, I write from the perspective of a guy which I never do now, mainly because I'm a) not a guy (whoa, didn't see that coming) and b) because too many books are written from a guy's point of view with an underlying male agenda and I won't put more of that toxic bullshit out there.

Also, other things that are wrong with this story: I mention The Shins in it, not explicitly but it's there: rookie mistake. If I mention music now in stories, I always go for the classic ones, like The Beatles, Joni Mitchell, whatnot, simply because they will always be known; bands like The Shins, they could be gone tomorrow. I think it just looks tacky or something to mention The Shins, Band of Horses etc. Current music. Also...nah, there are a lot of things wrong with this story. However, what I do like about it is:
The title (awesome, even though I reckon it's grammatically incorrect)
The language (nothing wrong with that, suits the story although I use the word "smirk" a little bit too much)
The ending ("the whore, J thought, what a whore she is that girl, what a fucking whore." Like, you can't not see his point, haha.)
The fact that the story does have some sort of background, i.e. J is hurt. Unfortunately, the (semi) metaphor doesn't quite hit home. But whatever. I was young, I was stupid. Anyway, if you want to read it, click on the link down below:

REMEMBRANCE OF THINGS LONG PAST

IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY LYRICS YOU CAN PRESS FAST-FORWARD

So, videoblog today! Exciting (or you know, maybe not so much). Unfortunately, the sound is a bit out-of-sync but you still get what I mean (I assume). My English is a little bit funny but whatever (as I keep on repeating). It's also quite obvious that I've learned to speak English from watching American TV shows and not, like, The office (although, obviously, I do). Or the Queen. Oh, and another thing: disregard all those "Oh my God!" and "Damn!". I'm sounding very girly.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, IT'S OK, I'LL LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER DAY

Hi dear book blog,

Today I'm working from 4-8 and then I'm going over to Robin's where we will celebrate Karl-Oskar's birthday. Will have a few glasses of wine and then I will be going home at a reasonable hour.

I'm currently reading The end of Mr. Y by Scarlett Thomas; I bought it in Gothenburg about a year ago and have been waiting patiently for the right time to read it because I always knew I would love it and now the right time is here and I love it. I gave up on Iris Murdoch's The sandcastle. Frankly, it was boring or maybe I just had really high expectations because A fairly honourable defeat was so good. Ended up not re-reading The millstone by Margaret Drabble. Think I want to read one of the Harry Potter books after I've finished reading The end of Mr. Y. I've been watching some of the movies lately, mainly because Daniel Radcliffe is so good-looking, and it was a long time since I read any of the books. Might be time for it.

I SPILLED THE WINE, YEAH IT WAS A MESS

A couple of days ago, a boy texted me in the middle of the night, saying that "You look like Zooey Deschanel." Sweet. Boys can be sweet. To update you on my health: I'm better! Sorta. Will return to work on Wednesday. Just realised I can't buy anything at all these months, as I need to save money for the move to London. And I'm such a shopaholic, at least when it comes to books, music and shoes. Oh well.

I'm still reading the Drabble book; when I'm done with it I'll probably go for The sandcastle by Iris Murdoch. Need some Murdochian characters in my life. Need that extremely English writing as well, which I guess Drabble also provides, but no one does the typically English quite like Murdoch.

UPDATE:
Decided to take a break from The middle ground and read Murdoch now. Or, I don't know, might read Drabble's The millstone first.

YOU WHO SEE ME, SEE BEYOND REALITY. I AM IN YOUR HEAD AND ONLY IN YOUR HEAD

I'm so sick it's weird. Not fun. Unable to move, but it's getting better. On 13 aspirin a day, doctor's orders. Fun! I'm just happy I don't have to take those nasty codeine pills because I hate them. Took them in England and dude, (New Year's resolution: say dude more) Citodon sucks. Probably not one for the codeine, makes me feel a) sick b) confused c) tired d) sorta drunk.

Anyway, finished reading The waterfall by Margaret Drabble yesterday, and started reading The middle ground by the same author right away. She's so bloody amazing; the way she writes is just mindblowing to me. Will put up a lot of quotes from The waterfall later on, when I feel a little better, i.e. when I'm no longer epically sick. Now, I know no one except me reads all the quotes I put up, but this blog is mostly for me anyway. I have no idea how many people read this blog and intend to keep it that way.

PREVIOUSLY ON 24

New year. My New Year's resolution is to learn the dance to Beyonce's Single ladies; fun but not easy. I had a great New Year's Eve for once; the previous ones have normally and unfortunately ended with me completely missing the countdown and the "Happy New Year!" greetings at midnight because of way too much alcohol, but this year was a lot nicer. We danced a lot to this song which might be one of the best songs ever (fast-forward to 0:38 and wait a couple of seconds.)

To write a bit about books, I'm currently reading The waterfall by Margaret Drabble; went to the library last week. Bought two new books as well; Testimony by Anita Shreve, which seemed like one of those books that are good to read when you don't have anything to read and don't want to read anything too dense, and something called The lace reader by Brunonia Barry. Not really my type of book, but the story seemed rather unsual and the cover was beautiful haha. See, I manage to be a little bit shallow even when it comes to literature. Also: Got all of the books I had wished for, and read Dave Cullen's Columbine at the end of 2009. Was really good, and cleared up a lot of confusion and misconceptions people have about the Columbine shooting. I've been extremely interested in high-school shootings since I was around 12; I think it's because it's such a desperate act, it really is the last resort and the answer is never as easy as "Well, he was bullied." It's almost always more complicated than that. If you look at Klebold and Harris, for example, they were not badly bullied; there was something else there. Anyway, in 2027 the Colorado police or maybe FBI (can't remember which) will release all the Basement tapes and 911 calls from the shooting. I'll be 37, but hopefully I'll remember this so note to self Julia. Although I can live without the 911 calls; too disturbing. But I've always wanted to see all the Basement tapes which are the tapes that Klebold and Harris made before the shooting which (interesting fact) took place on Hitler's birthday, most likely (But I'm speculating) Harris' choice, as he was very interested in Hitler and the Holocaust and sorta idolised Hitler. Klebold, on the other hand, was Jewish. Anyway: if you want to read some of Klebold's and Harris' journals, visit this webpage: http://acolumbinesite.com/diary.html

Another New Year's resolution I have is to finish CotmWM. I'm moving to London in April, so hopefully I'll have time to finish it then as, I reckon, it's probably more fun to sit down and write in London than it is in Örebro. But, at the same time, who am I kidding? I'm moving there with friends, I will just be drunk for three months straight. Oh well.