Reading Too much happiness by Alice Munro now.

WEIGHTLESS AND UNBELONGING

New books;
Alice Munro - Too much happiness
Joyce Carol Oates - Little bird of heaven
Margaret Atwood - Life before man
Sylvia Plath - Johnny Panic and the bible of dreams
Lorrie Moore - Who will run the frog hospital?
Siri Hustvedt - The summer without men
Miranda July - No one belongs here more than you
Doris Lessing - Ben, in the world

Books I've read lately;
Sylvia Plath - The bell jar
Miranda July - No one belongs here more than you
Lorrie Moore - Who will run the frog hospital?
Margaret Atwood - Moral disorder

Currently reading Ben, in the world. Finally found the sequel to The fifth child in London a couple of weeks ago. Waterstone's, I miss you sometimes. London, I miss you sometimes.

Haha, just when I was slagging Babel off, they obviously go hang out with Jonathan Safran Foer, Siri Hustvedt, Joyce Carol Oates and talk about Perec. I was going to fan-girl about Günter Wallraff too, but I don't understand German. Anyway, fuck, I'm easy to win back;

YOU DROPPED A HUNDRED AND FIFTY GRAND ON A FUCKING EDUACTION YOU COULDA' GOT FOR A DOLLAR 50 IN LATE CHARGES AT THE LIBRARY

(Sidebar to one particular reader: this post is ill-timed, but don't read too much into it).

I just realised, I hate talking about literature (or "just realised..."). I don't like listening to people talk about literature. I don't enjoy watching shows where people talk about literature (Babel, I've taken you on and failed so many times). I think it's because I love literature, books, words, but I hate people who read. And that is something I did just realise.

Maybe it's because it's so sacred to me. Maybe it's because it's so my own, and if I talk about it, I'll destroy it. Or they will. Maybe that's why I dropped out of Westminster. Maybe that's why I can't see myself ever going to university. God, the fucking panic I feel every time I think about uni. Being a student. All I want is to feel free. Uni, it feels like the smallest cage of them all.

It's not that I think you can go through life not being influenced by anyone. But I want to choose everything, absolutely everything, on my own. What books to read, what people to talk to, what movie to see. No curriculum. I don't want anything forced upon me. Also, I want everything. You can't have everything if you spend years doing one thing.

Having said that; I want to marry Jessika Gedin, which means I do enjoy listening to people talk about literature. But only if they agree with me, or vice versa. Which one could apply to every conversation one has had or ever will have in life.