I WALK AWAY FROM HIM. IT'S ENORMOUSLY PLEASING TO ME, THIS ACT OF WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE BEING ABLE TO MAKE PEOPLE APPEAR AND VANISH AT WILL

So, as I said in the last post, now I will write a bit about some of the books I've read. I'm a bit hungover so you'll have to excuse my English, but anyway. I seem to recall talking way too much about sex, falling over outside the club and singing way too loud to La Roux. Class all the way. Anyway. Books: I'll start with the best ones. Won't be like proper reviews, 'cause I'm terrible at them. Will probably just end up with me writing "This book was awesome!"

Curtis Sittenfeld - American wife
Curtis Sittenfeld is, in my opinion, one of the best writers out there today. The way she writes about being a woman is amazing, because she always taps into those little things that you don't really think about but, when you read it, you go "Right! That's exactly what it's like!" I also like reading a story which details someone's whole life (there is a word for this yes?). Anyway, read it. This book was awesome (hahaha).

Elisabeth Kostova - The historian
Read it during July, and it really is one of those books you should read during sunny, idle days where you do absolutely nothing of value. It's about Dracula, but in a new, exciting way. It was scary too. Plot summary from Wikipedia: "The Historian interweaves the history and folklore of Vlad Ţepeş, a 15th-century prince of Wallachia known as "Vlad the Impaler", and his fictional equivalent Count Dracula together with the story of Paul, a professor; his 16-year-old daughter; and their quest for Vlad's tomb. The novel ties together three separate narratives using letters and oral accounts: that of Paul's mentor in the 1930s, that of Paul in the 1950s, and that of the narrator herself in the 1970s. The tale is told primarily from the perspective of Paul's daughter, who is never named."

Margaret Drabble - The millstone
Just read these quotes and you'll understand why it's so bloody awesome (if you don't: it's basically about me and since I'm in all likelihood the most awesome person who's ever walked this earth the book is bound to be great as well) (also, I like how I mixed the extremely English "bloody" with the incredibly American "awesome"):

"I thought how unnerving it is, suddenly to see oneself for a moment as others see one, like a glimpse of unexpected profile in an umfamiliar combination of mirrors. I think I know myself better that anyone can know me, and I think this even in cold blood, for too much knowing is my vice; and yet one cannot account for the angles of others."

"I really cannot look back upon that week. I had thought myself unhappy as a child, obsessed by unreal terrors, guilts and alarms, and as an adolescent, obsessed by myself, and as a woman, obsessed by the fear that my whole life and career were to be thrown into endless gloom by an evening's affection."

"I had never, however, managed to get over the fact that we had once known and loved each other so thoroughly (...) I would suddenly be assailed by sharp memories of his lips and teeth and naked flesh. They were not memories of desire, for I no longer desired him; rather they were shocking, anti-social disruptive memories, something akin to those impulses to strip oneself in crowded Tube trains, to throw oneself from theatre balconies. Images of fear, not desire. Other people do not feel this way about old lovers, I know. It must just be another instance of my total maladjustment with regard to sex."

""I can't help worrying", I said. "It's my nature. There's nothing I can do about my nature, is there?"
"No,", said George, his hand upon the door. "No, nothing.""

Lionel Shriver - We need to talk about Kevin
We need to talk about Kevin is about a family, but not your average family: Kevin, the 16-year-old son, is a so-called "school shooter" who shot up his school shortly after his 16th birthday. The book is written from his mother's perspective; she writes letters to her husband who, for some reason, is not there. In this book, Shriver deals with motherhood and the fact that some women don't want to have kids. What happens when you don't really love your child or know to deal with it? Can you be blamed for the child's actions? This is (obviously) about the worst-case scenario, but anyway. I don't think I want kids (although I'm just 20, so I really don't have to think about it for another 10 years) so this book and what the protagonist, Eva, goes through and her thoughts on children is completely relatable to me.

Margaret Atwood - Cat's eye
Quotes, there is also one I would like to elaborate on, add my own story to why this particular quote resonated so well with me.

"You don't look back along time but down through it, like water. Sometimes this comes to the surface, sometimes that, sometimes nothing. Nothing goes away."

"I sit in the darkness and beer fug and cigarette smoke, getting a little dizzy, keeping my mouth shut, my eyes open. I think I can see them clearly because I expect nothing from them. In truth I expect a lot. I expect to be accepted."

"I know what is dangerous for me, and keep away from the edges of things. From anything too bright, too sharp. From lack of sleep. When I start feeling shaky I lie down, expecting nothing, and it arrives, washing over me in a wave of black vacancy. I know I can wait it out."

"I'm beginning to feel that I've discovered something worth knowing. There's a way out of places you want to leave, but can't. Fainting is like stepping sideways, out of your own body, out of time or into another time. When you wake up it's later. Time has gone on without you."

This summer I fell down some stairs and fainted. I woke up just seconds after, but something happened to me which is kind of like what Atwood describes: For about two minutes, I could not remember much about my life. The week before I had been in London, visiting someone who I think would agree that week didn't go at all as any of us had planned. For me, it had just been too much drama, weirdness and general confusion; when I got home I felt numb. And then seven days later, I couldn't remember any of it and it it felt like bliss. My parents asked me questions like "Where were you last week?" "Who did you visit?" "What did you do?" and I could not remember any of it. When I was told what the guy's name was, I literally could not remember what he looked like. I just had some vague recollection of very sunny days (it was practically summer) and watching The inbetweeners with someone. But that was all. And it was like being given a time-out: for two blissful minutes I didn't feel bad, I didn't feel confused, I didn't feel hurt. Then my memory returned and with that, the headache and concussion. Then I felt bad for a much more vaild reason, haha. Anyway, while Atwood talks more about the actual fainting and how that allows you to leave a place you don't want to be in, I believe it can be applied to my situation as well. Because I wanted to get out of a state and feeling I was in. And fainting allowed me to do that for a while.

OK, this will have to be part 1. Have already struggled one fucking hour with this post. Need to take a break. I'm gonna go play Playstation because I got one for Christmas! Yeah, I know, I'm 20 and wished for a Playstation. Whatever.